Isaac Garvin | January 29, 2021 | Shvil HaBaruch, The Blessed Path
We picked up the bus yesterday.
The black smoke is fixed so that is good! The repair was a success. It still puts out quite a bit of blue smoke when it is cold. But after warming it up and driving it for ten to fifteen minutes the smoke is really minimal, especially compared to what it was doing. Some smoke is normal with a two-stroke and it isn’t exactly a new bus anyway.
One interesting thing happened while we were running it at the mechanics to warm it up. He thought maybe it was revving just a little too high; that the high-idle may be set just a little fast. While we were checking that, the engine started to run away. That is when the engine starts to race out of control. It is super loud and it belches out a ton of smoke. Pretty scary to see in person. I knew it was something that can happen to diesel engines, but neither Rebekah or I had seen it before. Fortunately the mechanic was near the fuel shut off and was able to shut it down quickly. He said it is not really a concern during normal operation but that a high rpm situation could trigger it...something to think about. He felt like some more work should be done on it before we took it out on the road. Right now we don’t have money for that and we needed some time to think and talk about what we wanted to do.
After we got the bus home we sat down to talk about it. We agreed that neither of us felt really confident about being on the road with this bus. So when Rebekah asked me what I wanted to do, I said, “I think we should sell it while it’s running good.” Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She thought about it for a minute and then she reminded me about last Yom Teruah when we held the Feast on the bus.
One of the main reasons we bought the bus was to serve YHVH by using it to serve Israel. Rebekah realized that the bus still had some potential to do that. She envisioned a new purpose for the bus—using it as a place to host Shabbat gatherings or annual Feast events. She suggested we scale back our renovation plans for the bus to serve that purpose. We would still need some weatherization, heat, carpet and seating. Things like that. But we wouldn’t need all the infrastructure of a full conversion. Also, we could put the mechanical work on hold as the bus is drivable enough as it sits. We can always sell it in the future. Any value the bus has now is likely to last as it is a classic, and any improvements we make to it will only make it more desirable.
I like this plan as it still allows us to achieve some of our goals for the bus, but also takes a lot of the pressure off to get the bus fully roadworthy as an RV.
So what’s the takeaway here?
For me, I’ve been quite overwhelmed lately with everything that is going on in the world, in our ministry, and in my personal life. It is easy for me to lose heart, especially with multiple issues that feel ‘out of control’ to me. I was feeling that way about the bus and expressed as much to Rebekah the other day. She asked me, “Don’t you give your heart options?” I had to admit that I often don’t. Maybe I like playing the victim and feel like I’m stuck. Maybe I’m afraid of taking responsibility and making decisions. No options equals no decisions.
There are always options. That’s takeaway number one. And our hearts deserve to be given options. To not have options is stifling and claustrophobic. It’s like being trapped. And allowing for options can help our hearts breathe, even if we can’t see the options from where we are standing. And isn’t it like coming to a crossroads when actually driving? You can’t see the crossroads until you get to it. You have to keep driving the road in front of you in order to get there. Not all of those miles will necessarily be getting you closer to your destination. But they will be getting you closer to the crossroads. And once you get there, then you can see it. Then you can decide which way to go. Then you can head off in a new direction if needed.
Easy to say, I know. But not always easy to do, especially if I haven’t given myself permission to change direction? And why might that be? Well, for me it sometimes has to do with my assumptions about what my wife thinks, and about what my Elohim thinks. I tend to sell both of them short—to not give them enough credit. My wife is moveable, and so is Elohim. I know it, but I tend to forget it. Rebekah has proven herself. She and I have enough history for me to know that. And Elohim have proven themselves as well.They deserve a chance to come through. They deserve a chance to show their true heart in a matter—to show their true heart for me.Give ‘em a chance. That’s takeaway number two.
Our wives and our Elohim deserve a chance to demonstrate once again that their hearts for us are good and that what they desire for us is not always going to be the hardest path imaginable or the most painful. We are in this together. They are on our side. Let’s remember that.
Perhaps there’s something here to repent of. I know there is for me. If so then let’s not forget to actually do it. If repentance is the road that lies before us, we might as well drive it.
Blessed be the journey,
Isaac